


Some Pride and No Prejudice

by smolonde



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, One Shot, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 12:24:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4348687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolonde/pseuds/smolonde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanaya does not want to get sexually intimate, and Rose asks why. Kanaya tells her, not sure of the outcome. <br/>One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Pride and No Prejudice

Your name is Kanaya Maryam, and you are lying on a loveseat with your girlfriend, cocooned in body heat.

Rose reaches her hand around your waist and grasps onto yours, and as she moves her thumb over your knuckles, you relax into her. She kisses the back of your head, nuzzling into your hair; your heart quickens just a fraction, thinking about her beautiful face, then goes back to normal as her breath coasts over your ear. Then you freeze as her hand sneaks under the waistband of your skirt.

You sit up, startled, and without even thinking about it, you slap her hand away. You jump off the couch, and only when you turn around, you see the hurt on her face. Her mouth falls open, and there’s more shock in her eyes than pain.

“Kanaya?” Her voice trembles, just barely noticeable.

“Rose. Rose, I am so sorry. I did not mean to hurt you.” You immediately grab her hand and look for where you hurt her. Her pale skin is barely red; you didn’t hit her that hard, but her hand is shaking.

“Kanaya, why did you do that?” She looks at you with wide eyes, the shock fading out to confusion.

“I… Rose. I’m not comfortable with sexual intimacy.” You look straight at her, a slight embarrassed blush on your face.

That statement’s not entirely true; you would not be opposed to sexual acts. You would, hypothetically, be perfectly fine with any intercourse, and you can’t pretend that you haven’t thought of Rose specifically. The problem is more personal than that, but you can’t tell Rose. Very few people, excluding your mother and older sister, know this, and you don’t want to ruin it. Maybe you should tell her? No. She’ll get angry at you for lying to her and she’ll end any relationship with you.

She pauses for a moment. “So… Are you asexual? I understand if you’d like to be in a romantic relationship with me, and I’m certainly not opposed to the idea of—“

“No. Rose, it… I am not asexual.” You feel a sob rise in your throat.

“Then… Kanaya, if it’s all right with you, you can tell me what’s bothering you.” She takes your hand in a gesture of solidarity and love.

You look at her again, taking your gaze off the floor, and she wipes a tear off your face. Your heart aches, realizing that she must be scared for you if there’s something you’re not even telling her. You sigh, sitting back down.

“Rose, this secret is enormous. If I tell you, will you promise that you will not judge me?”

She nods, looking at you with big violet eyes.

“All right,” you exhale, a bead of sweat running down your face. “I do not know how well versed you are upon this subject. However, it would probably be important that I tell you that my birth name is not Kanaya.” Your hands are slightly shaky, but you’ve started, and you won’t let yourself crumble.

“I was born under the name Samuel Maryam.” If Rose is stunned or disgusted, she doesn’t show it. You exhale and continue.

“When I was young, I began to notice that my interests and thoughts varied from those of other boys, and I thought, because of what I had heard from others, that there might be something wrong with me. My mother supported me throughout my childhood and teenage years, and once I went to college, I completely reinvented myself. I became Kanaya Maryam, a name that holds roots in fortune, spirituality, and health. I came out as a lesbian, and eventually I transitioned. My mother helped me pay off some of my medical bills, and I managed to scrape up enough money to help pay off a small portion of my college loans.” You stop for a breath, and Rose looks at you, something strange in her eyes.

 “Rose. I understand if you do not want to continue this relationship anymore. I haven’t told you, and I’ve always tried to push you away from the topic of sex. If you need to leave, you can.” The tears start to come, dripping onto your shirt.

Rose takes your hands and gently tilts your chin until you look her in the eye. “Kanaya.”

You blush slightly, your vision blurred.

“Kanaya, I love you. I love you more than anyone I’ve ever had relations with, and even if you never want to have sex with me, I’m still in love with you. You mean the world to me, and never think that my opinion of you will change based on something like that.” She kisses you gently, and your tears run onto her lips as she pulls away.

“Are… Are you sure?”

Another kiss, and the warmth of her arms back around your waist, is all the confirmation you need.


End file.
